Dependence = Loss of Freedom?

How much pressure does a person have to be in to finally give in to the wishes of others? This is a question that has been a base root of the many regrets I have in life. There are people in our lives who want what they think is best for us. But, what about we want as individuals and our wishes?

There is a certain block in my life that constantly bugs me and stops me from living my life the way I want to. The block is that I am unemployed and so have a big dependency on family financially. The question in this situation is: Does being financially dependent on someone mean that you have to listen to their every whim and advice that they have on how you should be living your life?

This is something that I have constantly struggled with and continue struggling with till this day. These days I have been day-dreaming about the time when I will have my dream job and can finally live life the way I want to. That day seems so far away and my actions and laziness are not at all helping me in securing the dream I want. And that I realize is a major flaw from my side.

I am so busy day-dreaming about the life I want, that I am unable to focus on the hard-work that is required to attain my dream job and hence my dream life. I have always thought that money is something that does not dictate relationships and comes third to love and happiness, respectively. My opinion on that, however, is being challenged. And when being challenged, it is important to make crucial changes in life that will help in moving forward.

So, for me, I guess the only way forward for now is to do hard work regularly, consistently and faithfully; and pray to God/Goddess that I finally get the life that I have been waiting for.

I am tired of feeling like a loser and having no freedom. I am tired of always hiding things and being afraid of the consequences of the actions I make and the decisions I take. I want my life back and that is exactly what I am going to be fighting to obtain.

Forward and Onward, to Glorious Freedom!



I have realized that it is really important to distinguish between signs. I made horrendous mistakes in the past few days, thinking that the Universe was trying to tell me that I was on the wrong path and I made rash decisions.

Today I woke up furious with myself for being so blind and blaming the Universe. But the truth is, it was me all along. I misread everything and that created ripples throughout my universe. Ripples is an understatement; Tsunami is more appropriate.

I have listened to Christina Perri’s ‘Sea of Lovers’ about a million times since I have woken up today and it has opened up my eyes. My life should be based on the decisions I make. No one knows me better than I know myself and I know the path I must take in order to move on with my life.

I am sure that the Universe believes so too.

Many times in life, we make decisions based on, not our consciousness, but on the opinion of others. I am the type of person who wants to keep everyone happy and sometimes, in order to do just that, I end up hurting the people who matter the most to me. So, today I made a promise to myself – I am going to do the things that make me happy. I am going to live a life that justifies my very being.

Don’t let the opinions of others get the in the way of your true happiness. Only you know where your heart is; no one else can ever understand how a certain person makes you feel. Don’t let the judgement of others cloud your own judgement.

When you feel like your privacy and space is being encroached upon; lock yourself in a room, listen to your favorite music, close your eyes, switch off your phone; and just listen, listen to the voice of your soul. That voice will guide you onto the path that you need to be on. We don’t always have to depend on signs from the Universe, there is a universe in each and everyone of us. We just need to learn how to listen to it.

I have listened to the universe inside of me and I know how to bring back balance, peace and prosperity within me once again. Whether you listen to the Universe or your own universe, understand one thing: sometimes we do have to go through hardships and we have to accept when someone is gone, but sometimes it is just people who put us on the wrong path.

Listen to your universe and look out for the signs from the Universe.


Born to Kill

For my birthday gift this year, I had asked for books; and not just any books, but books that addressed issues that are close to my heart. I recently finished reading one of those books, and it knocked the wind out of me.

The name of the book is Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert. She talks about how humans are causing a sixth extinction on this planet on a massive, MASSIVE scale. While I am sure, there are people aware of this fact that our humanly activities have already welcomed our beloved global warming and climate change; our activities are killing off a huge number of species as well.

Five major extinctions have taken place on this planet before humans arrived (there are new findings that tell a different story, but more on that a little later). But the changes that caused those extinctions happened over a long span of time; so while many species did get extinct, there were many others that adapted and survived in the new environment. With the extinction that is now taking place, however, the change that is happening is at a much faster pace. This time the species do not have the time to adapt to their changes; they are simply vanishing from the face of this planet.

I know at this point, many of you would be wondering, ‘so what if there are species dying off, how does that affect us in anyway?’ It does, however, affect us. Let’s take a little detour to make things  a little clearer.

Our planet, when it was formed, was a hot mess. As it began to cool down, life was triggered and organisms began appearing on the face of our planet. These life forms further helped in balancing the planet’s atmosphere. The atmosphere that we take so for granted and the hospitable, habitable planet that we are so used to, was not always like this. In order for this planet to sustain life, it had to learn how to balance itself. There are so many chemical and physical changes that happen on this planet every single second of everyday, that makes it the planet that we live on.

Everything on this planet has a role to play, whether it is the invisible virus that attacks our immune system, the blue-green algae who introduced oxygen into our atmosphere, the trees that strive to touch the sky, the insects that help in pollination, the herbivores that make sure the vegetation doesn’t grow out of control, the carnivores that make sure that the herbivores don’t eat all the vegetation; everything is in a carefully calibrated balance and then there is us, the Homo Sapiens, hell bent on breaking the very balance that has helped us survive for so long.

Every species that has become extinct due to our activities, every species that is on the brink of extinction, no matter how insignificant they might be in our teeny-tiny selfish minds, is a loss for the planet and the balance that it has created over all these millions of years.  We have, however, successfully ruptured that balance.

How is human activities causing world-wide catastrophic extinctions? We have turned the world into a small village, where neither distance is too great, nor any place too remote for us to go to. Along with us, have come new species of plants and animals into local habitats that give unheard of competition to the local species of plants (yes, you read right. There are species of plants that are also going extinct) and animals and knock them out of the ring.

With the added pressure of the climate changing so quickly and drastically, many species are losing their natural habitats and are dying off. While they are people, who are trying to keep some species alive in a closed spaces and by freezing them into test tubes so they are not completely gone; what kind of life is that? The species we are keeping locked up, they will never know their true habitats; they don’t have the freedom of going somewhere else and the worse part is that they will never know. I know many people at this point, would think, so what? They are just animals, insects and plants. What difference does it make anyway?

We are the great HOMO SAPIENS. We were given the power of thought, intelligence and emotions. I always thought that we were placed here on this planet to achieve greatness, to cut the boundaries and unite the world as one. But what are we really doing instead? We are killing the planet, the life on it and we are also killing one another for a thing known as: money, that we created for economic purposes.

Want to know what the new findings were, that I said I will talk about later? Out of the BIG FIVE extinctions, there is a new astonishing proof, that the three that happened just when humans entered the scene, was caused by humans itself. We are natural killers. There is also proof that we mated with our sister species and killed them off as well. Considering we are natural killers, I won’t be surprised if we raped our sister species and then killed them.

I know there is the possibility that the destruction we have caused is now irreversible, but what stuns me is that there are still no large scale global initiatives to try and make a change.

All the destruction, all the imbalance that we have caused; we might think we are safe, but we forget that we are a part and parcel of this planet too. Anything that happens here because of us, will definitely affect us too.

Let the Destruction begin, for we were born to kill.



Oh, the magnificent irony

My hands locked around his neck,

I watched the lights go out,

His eyes a black hole of pain,

I watched the life go out of him,

His body falling away,

The look on his face,

Forever engrained in my memory;

The betrayal was too great,

The ending too horrific;

I bent down towards his lifeless figure,

And kissed him one last time with poisonous lips;

The skies turned a terrible purple,

The sea a horrific olive green,

I laid down next to him as

the poison shattered my life force;

the sky started bleeding blood,

as the Universe looked down, and

laughed; a deep guttural evil laugh.

Oh the magnificent irony.

Oh, the magnificent irony.


What is Addiction?

As we grow up, we develop tendencies of having addictions. The thought popped up in my head a while ago and it made me wonder, why do we get addicted to something?

When we were children, we did not really get addicted to anything. Sure, we loved ice cream or had a favorite dish, but it wasn’t like we would have withdrawal symptoms or anxiety attacks if we didn’t get what we wanted.

Here is what I think happens as we grow up and leave our childhood behind.

As children, we have no worries in the world; our emotions are a 100% pure but fleeting and any negative emotion would not last a long time. We are protected, loved and cared for by our parents and siblings and we don’t have to really worry about anything. Even studies are not a burden at that time in our life and everything is easily available to us.

When we reach adolescence, we reach a point in our lives where we need to start thinking about our careers and our future: things that take us out of our protected and loving environments into the world that we fear. A world of unknown things, people, hate, dishonesty and pure struggle for survival. I think this is where stress and anxiety enters our lives. Even education at this point, becomes a scary burden that determines whether we have a secure future or a desolate one.

By the time we leave school and enter college, we have gone from being teenagers to young adults, and enter an institution that prepares us for our place and role in society. Even by this time, we might be free of addictions. Life is still fun and we are still young.

Once college ends, the scary life of an adult begins. The struggle for a job, to earn a livelihood, to find a partner that you can start a family with etc. You know where I am going with this. Once this part of our life begins, getting addicted to something seems like a necessity. Now is the time in our lives when are unable to cope with the stress, the depression, the anger of being alone and having to deal with life without the safety of that loving environment that was provided to us as children.

Addiction happens when something is used to repress an emotion or emotions in general. Addiction can happen with anything. Sugar, fried foods, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs etc. Sure, many people try many of the above mentioned things in college, but that is for recreational purposes and hence isn’t used for repressing or replacing emotions but just for fun experimenting.

As adults, we become so terrified of our emotions and feelings that we feel it is best to distract our minds and numb ourselves by becoming addicted to something. And that addiction becomes life threatening but we are too numb to notice what it is doing to our bodies and minds.

Dealing with emotions as an adult is perhaps something that many of us have forgot to learn while we were busy growing up. The era of the rise of meditation around the globe, is perhaps to detoxify and save us from harmful addictions and instead tackle the main problem, our emotions. Learning how to deal with our emotions in a healthy way is the best way to ensure a happy, long life and positive attitude.

So the next time, you are yearning for something you are addicted to, ask yourself: WHAT EMOTION OR FEELING AM I TRYING TO REPRESS? HOW CAN I DEAL WITH IT IN A HEALTHY WAY?

And your addiction may just miraculously disappear.


Dear God, or Goddess?

In these past couple of days, I have come to realize that humans killing humans has now become an inherent natural way of life. In the beginning, when there were just a handful of civilizations strewn about the Earth, they:

(a) had no idea that the other existed (most probably)

(b) had similar religions and hence no reason to fight against each other

(c) loved peace and prosperity and could achieve it without killing everyone else off.

Yet of course, those civilizations still died off. Which, to be honest, is understandable, as anything man-made cannot possibly last forever.

In our time, however, we haven’t really seen peace. I was born in 1992, just a year after the great USSR got disintegrated and the Cold War had finally come to an end (did it though really?) and the world temporarily knew peace.

Now, with everything happening in the world and so many conflicts going on all around the world and a possible world war 3 drastically becoming a reality, peace seems to be all the more a far fetched fantasy.

Most of the Western world, is now involved in the Syrian conflict. And the Middle Eastern countries have made an alliance together (leaving out Syria, Iran and Iraq) and Russia is gearing up its allies for war in Syria and everything is going completely haywire in the world! Africa and its on-going conflicts has gone off the radar in the media and hence in the public eye.

The East which seems to be enjoying peace, is being struck by the force of Mother Nature instead! Constant earthquakes in the Himalayan belt, is now making people realize that something bigger is coming and some potential change is about to happen to the Himalayas (that last part is something that I realize, don’t know about other people).

So yeah, while humans are busy killing humans for God knows what purpose, Mother Nature has joined in too! Mother Nature be like, ‘yo! you forgot this part of the world, but don’t worry! Imma be giving them natural disasters. Just helping you out!’

Humans killing humans, Mother Nature killing humans, God sitting upstairs and watching everything unfold. He probably doesn’t want to save us either, so he simply watches and make notes, making sure (hopefully) that his next creation is more peace loving and filled with brotherly and sisterly love towards each other. I am still kind of rooting and hoping that there is a Goddess who is running the scene though, then I know for sure, that there is a better creation on its way after us humans get wiped off the face of the planet.

*fingers crossed for a better future for the planet*


Leo Tolstoy: One of the greatest writers ever!

Third day of the new year and this year is turning out to be pretty interesting. I had ordered a book that I have been really eager to read and it arrived bright and early in the morning!

It is Leo Tolstoy’s ‘Childhood, Boyhood, Youth’. I have already read ‘War and Peace’ by him and he is such a phenomenal author. The way he describes everything, from setting the scene to bringing fictional characters to life. His books even after all these years, have this freshness and universality that still moves and connects with readers today.

‘War and Peace’ has the most number of characters and is a long read, but it is absolutely worth it! Youngsters in a time of peace, who have enjoyed a high rank in society, go to participate in war and return completely changed to their old lives and understand the deeper meaning of life.

I am super excited to start reading his novel ‘Childhood, Boyhood, Youth’ which covers his growing years. He wrote this trilogy in his early twenties, and I think being at the same stage in life, this novel might just help me give some insight about the next step that I should take in life.